Champions of Gaming – Post Hangover Review

Razor blades, video games, cheerleaders and Yager bombs…

by TWODOGSz

©2008 Aaron Bertinetti

What that has to do with the Xbox Live event “Champions of Gaming” and in what order I’m not entirely sure, but then perhaps that has more to do with a well hydrated party, followed by an equally assured hangover, than anything to do with games.

I’d like to say Tiger, Federer and company were there… but even if they were I suspect the enthusiasm around the bar at Microsoft’s Australian offices may have quickly scared them off or at least had their handlers scrambling.

Word of caution: DO NOT under any circumstances challenge impossibly cute PR girls (and sisters!) to games of FIFA when you’ve grown up on Pro Evo and you’re past your entree of Budweisers and well into a main course of Yager.

The results, like the drinks, can be mixed…

New kid on the block, John from our Melbourne based buddies OzBoxLive, quickly got his sweaty palms handed to him on a platter of blondes and brunettes. Although judging by the amount of time he spent playing FIFA I suspect he didn’t mind it one bit.

Mark (also from OzBoxLive) got up a sweat whilst surrounded by sporty goddesses whom were keen to interview him and to whom he was even keener to declare his love of chocolate almond magnums and being in touch with his feminine side when that seminal plot point in Gears 2 reached its “boys don’t cry” crescendo.

Thankfully, I managed, through no skill of my own to beat Bianca, whom made Chelsea look good both on and off the field… until she somehow mistook her own goal as mine and turned her goalie into a point blank striker.

My pride (slightly) intact I immediately retired thankful for a winning record… but perhaps more thankful that Bianca, dressed in a Chelsea jersey and without as much as some batting eyelids and a flash of pearly whites, had erased any images of the fat, drunk, oddly emotional English men wearing the same tight-fitting blue round my local every other week.

Nightmares gone, I fared much better at Madden and illustrated to consecutive competitors why the Steelers will win this year’s Super Bowl regardless of the opposition or how many running backs we don’t have. I also learnt that no matter how many drinks I have my golfing ability, unlike my snooker skills, will never improve. Ever.

And Grant?

Well the elder statesmen of OXCGN did what he does best and mingled furiously before retreating to a game of Bejewelled (at an EA event!) where he embraced the wisdom that only “mature” age can bring, by declaring that even without glasses he could see the girls were young enough to be his daughters.

But as Grant would (probably) say “as one door closes, another one opens” and in this case Drew Parkes (Xbox Digital Marketing Manager) gave us an uninterrupted hands on with the New Xbox Experience.

First impression: “Wow!”

Second impression: “It’s sooooo fast!”

Third impression: “How wrong can I make my Avatar look?”

Some beers later staring at George Harrison meets Lassie, with a dash of Braveheart face paint and a fetish for tight leather and piercings, and with a disturbed crowd leering over my shoulders: “Very!”

Make no doubt about it! It’s an absolute certainty, that within the first 24hrs Avatars are going to do what, depending on your personal beliefs, God or Evolution never had the sick imagination to create, much less conceive.

The abominations that are about to invade Xbox Live are not a reflection on the Avatars themselves because they can be almost as pretty as the PR girls, it’s merely the capabilities of the system to entertain the more twisted amongst us to the nth degree.

The expressions system didn’t even stop me making my canine, Scottish Beatle headbang in an epileptic fit and mime the lyrics like Monkey Magic to Microsoft’s DJ spinning tracks on the decks behind me!

I have since decided that if I can get some COG tags and some steroid powered body morphing down the line I’ll be perfectly happy. And yes I asked Drew and got a big “I know something that you don’t” smile shot right back at me. So I guess we’ll just have to wait and see…

In terms of Netflix things look far less promising for Aussie gamers… with a “you got to be kidding me” response to Grant’s “anytime soon” question.

But beyond the surprisingly versatile Avatars and the disappointment of no streaming movies, the most impressive features of the NXE are the amount of information that’s communicated at one time; the “clean” and streamlined appearance; and most strikingly the speed of everything.

Even if you’re the hardest of the hardcore you will love how fast the dashboard is… and who knows, if those COG tags do eventually turn up you just might become an Avatar fan after all.

But down to business…

What the hell is “Champions of Gaming”?

Put simply it’s a dual promotion put together by Gillette and EA Sports, and in association with Microsoft, to put your virtual athletic skills to the test over Xbox Live. There are full blown tournaments in Madden 09, FIFA 09, Tiger Woods 09, and NBA Live 09.

Apparently Gillette felt that for those of us down under NASCAR and NHL didn’t make the cut! So “the best a man can get”, beyond razorblades and those PR girls, is a trip to Orlando, Florida to put your virtual skills to the ultimate test against some of the sports world’s ultimate athletes. Namely Tiger Woods, Roger Federer, Derek Jeter (Wikipedia tells me he’s captain of the New York Yankees and a nine times All Star), and a mystery superstar… perhaps a “Master Chief” of the sporting world?

Most importantly, if you aren’t an ace at calling plays or swinging analogue sticks you can still win prizes for simply turning up. In true Olympic spirit (minus the drugs) if you turn up you can still win via the sweepstakes and some pure luck. Check out the video of Steven Bradbury at the 2002 Winter Olympic Games and you get the clearest of pictures.

So my advice is grab an EA game (Madden and FIFA are especially good), grab an Xbox Live gold membership and get online for a couple of games of your favourite… and if you haven’t played an EA Sports game, don’t worry, there may be a lot of depth for more seasoned veterans but the control schemes are intuitive and easy to pick up.

If I can teach a PR girl how to successfully pull off a Hail Mary touchdown in less than two minutes and a blood alcohol limit that’d do the Brisbane Broncos proud, you shouldn’t have any problems getting up to speed.

So read it all here and get gaming!

And don’t forget those cute PR girls below… because we haven’t!

©2008 Aaron Bertinetti

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Filed under: Editorial, Events, Xbox 360, Xbox 360 News, Xbox Community Network | Tagged: Champion Of Gaming, CHampions Of Gaming, EA, fifa 09, Gillett, Madden 09, Roger Federer, tiger woods